This post is going to be a bit of a negative one but I just want to clear some things up. I’ll be following up with something more positive later on!
Previously I went public about someone who was giving me a hard time, I don’t regret it for a second. It got me hate and caused me even more drama but I also received some lovely emails from people in similar situations thanking me for giving them the courage to do something about it and improve their lives. That alone makes it all worth it!
The night before Christmas Eve Tom turned up at my house and was pretty abusive, I ended up phoning two friends to get him to leave. He told me that what I had written about him was slanderous and that he would be going to the police about it but absolutely nothing in that post was slander and I’ve talked to a few people clued up on the law to clarify that. He told me that I accused him of stealing my laptop, I did not. I said I had suspicions that it might be him based on things that other people had told me and how he had acted towards me. He then went on to say that I was lucky to still have any possessions left in my flat and threatened that if I didn’t take down the blog my house would get done over. Not only do I have witnesses to this but I also have proof of what he said… Modern technology is a wonderful thing ;) The following night him and someone else came back to my house and attempted to take everything from outside my door (storage space where I kept coats, shoes, etc.) and were caught in the act. I retrieved some of my possessions but I think in the chaos some things went missing as one of them had already managed to leg it by that point. I should have just kept the blog up!
As a result of all the mess caused by a couple of jumped up little wankstas I was nearly stuck away from my family for Christmas as it made me miss my lift and the last train but, proving that there are some absolutely amazing people in this world, friends offered to house sit for me and my half brother drove up to get me first thing Christmas morning… Best Christmas present ever! I’m not big on Christmas but it’s not often that I get to see certain family members so it meant a lot to me! I spent Christmas tired as hell, having not slept all night, and looking like a zombie as captured in this picture by Cheryl haha. It was still lovely though and staying down there for a few days gave me a much needed break from Plymouth and all of it’s drama.
Recently on Facebook I posted my status as:
New Years Resolutions:
- Stop letting people take advantage and walk all over me.
- Don’t repeatedly give psychopaths second chances.
- TAKE NO SHIT OFF ANYONE.
I received a lovely comment saying (not going to say who from because it’s irrelevant.
“You wear your heart on your sleeve, it’s a lovely thing, but the problem with facebook is you let over a thousand people know how you’re feeling… and if you’re not close to all one thousand or more ‘friends’ on facebook, you might let some unsavoury types in on your soft centre … and that’s how people might exploit that. Build yourself a protective shell… emanate your inner peace and observe your own thinking… protect yourself and you won’t see those psychopaths again. x”
I responded but accidentally pressed enter, rather than shift+enter, mid response and sent it before I had finished saying what I wanted to so deleted it so that I could finish responding but before I had a chance I got this in return and was instantly blocked.
Yeah, I got the post Zinzi …. I noticed you deleted it right away. Well basically if that’s how you choose to address people who extend a warm sentiment of support… jeeze, I was just saying you wear your heart on your sleeve… !??? It wasn’t a ‘lecture’ as you put it…..
To be honest, reading your insensate whining and need for people to donate you money so you can continue to be a ‘real artist’ … and watching you make such a prick of your self in the process …. I’m just about spent with you miss selfish.
Just like the majority of people who’ve switched off your daily moaning notifications of ‘poor me…. I’m doomed’ …. I too am outta here.
best of luck with that chip on your shoulder!
Now everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I welcome your opinions on me, good or bad, but I just wanted to have my say and clear a few things up. Yes, sometimes what I say comes across as bitchier than intended. I don’t feel the need to fill what I write with “lol” and emoticons to express the fact that I’m not being a cunt but it seems that it’s necessary in today’s culture which saddens me. Here’s my response since I have since deleted it off of Facebook.
I’m sorry but I don’t need a lecture on what I should or shouldn’t post ******. I don’t mean to sound rude because I know you’re just trying to look out for me but I’m human, I have emotions and I’m not going to hide that. Everything you do in life has consequences and I’m not stupid enough to think that speaking out doesn’t, I do so knowing full well how much shit this could cause me and you know what? Bring it on. Going through life being scared to be yourself for fear of what might happen is not the life I intend on living.
I appreciate that there’s people out there who are worried about what danger I’m putting myself in by speaking out and I’m grateful for your concern but I’d rather take that risk and accept the consequences than act like an emotionless zombie. This is my life and I’m going to do things my way. It probably will cause me more shit but trying to ignore the problems I’ve experienced in life cause me just as much.
I’ve received emails from complete strangers thanking me for speaking out about parts of my personal life because it’s had a positive impact on their lives. There’s people who have told me that I’ve given them the courage to improve their lives and get out of bad situations. One young girl even messaged me saying that one of the things that I wrote online gave her the courage to speak out about abuse she’d kept hidden from everyone for years, get out of the situation she’d felt trapped in for so long and even re-consider taking her own life. Maybe if more people stopped going through life faking smiles and acting like everything is perfect then less people would feel hopeless and alone. Over a million people take their own lives every year, perhaps that number would be significantly less if there wasn’t so many people who denied their own emotions for fear of what others might think.
If speaking my mind gets me enemies then so be it, I’d rather be hated than fake.
Looking back on it I’m aware that it sounds far ruder than I intended, I’m not unappreciative of his concern I’ve just received a lot of people recently telling me what I’m allowed to post and as much as appreciative of the concern I don’t appreciate people trying to censor me. It was intended more as a general response to everyone doing it rather than just that one person. If you have a problem with me then fine, like I said I don’t want to please everyone, but if you think you know me or anyone else based on what I’m prepared to speak about online then you really are quite naive. I’m not perfect and what’s more is that I have no interest in being so. I make mistakes but find me a person that doesn’t.
I spend a huge amount of my life doing things for other people and ask for nothing in return. I’ve made myself ill on multiple occasions by trying to do so much for others. I placed a donation button my blog at the request of others who wanted to help me out and I didn’t beg for donations I simply said that if anyone was in a position to help then I would really appreciate it. It had nothing to do with trying to be a “real artist”, it was so I could go back to trying support things that I think are worth supporting and build a career for myself rather than sitting on my ass living off of income support.
If being selfish is having to ask for help once in a while then yes, I’m the most selfish person on the planet. In fact I’m so damn selfish that I spend pretty much all the time I have doing things for free for other people, have on plenty of occasions given near enough all of my money away to help out other people and at numerous points in my life put up friends who have lost their houses to try and help them get back on their feet. Even with everything that has been going on in my life recently I’ve been doing what I can to help other people and I don’t ask for fuck all in return because I don’t want shit in return, the reward of having helped someone who deserves it is more than enough for me.
Now that that’s off my chest I’m going to go back to editing photographs :)
@1 year ago
#Zinzi Graham #current situation #Tom Henrick #rant